doark@mail.com:
I think you're caught in the same trap, unable to realize your own potential for lack of a moral standard (it also suffers as a result of an Atheistic philosophy), and unable to accept a pointless existence.
When I was 19, I was in a very bad situation. Everything I've ever believed in was false. So I've spent the next 6 months looking for truth. Thankfully, I have dropped out of college by this time so I had time to investigate.
And in one moment it dawned upon me. There is no truth. Everything is relative. People invent their own truth and start believing in it. So if I want to stay unshackled I must not believe in anything.
The next thing was supposed to be suicide but I couldn't do it. I don't know the future and I don't know what will happen when I die. In fact, I'm trapped inside my own consciousness and by definition can't escape it and see the truth. Remember Plato's allegory of the cave?
Another thing that bugs me is, since I don't believe in anything, I also don't believe in science. I can't predict what's gonna happen in the next moment. Every once in a while I get in this state of mind where I understand that I understand nothing.
In any and all cases I think you might enjoy a book that is eyeopening, insightful and uplifting, with respect to the world around you, as opposed to your more dreary, despairing, world view.
I was forced to read books at school and this gave a huge hatred for them. I remember I've tried to read a fiction book at psychiatric hospital and after the 1st paragraph I was so enraged that I quickly put it away. Though this mostly applies to fiction.